StFU - Race Relation Style (With Guest Appearance!)

It’s the New Year and I already have a recipient for the year’s first “Shut the Fuck Up” Award. It never ceases to amaze me the level of stupid people will plunge to, but this one has to take the cake. Or the grits. Let me explain.

Last Friday (keep this in mind that it was nearly a week ago) on the Golf Channel an anchor, Kelly Tilghman, reporting from the Mercedes-Benz Championship said while discussing the dominance of Tiger Woods that young up and coming golfers best solution to stop his winning ways was to “lynch him in a back alley.” If this were a scene in a movie you could hear the needle scratch off the record sound effect .2 seconds after the words came out of her mouth. Unfortunately this was for real, as real as the Golf Channel gets anyway.

Initially the Golf Channel was going to take no actions for Tilghman’s comments. Tiger’s agent even brushed it off because the two are friends (which makes everything okay, I guess) and she had personally apologized to Tiger. This all happened before this was news. So once again, please, keep this in mind. Tiger's agent said it was “a complete non-issue.”

Tilghman’s comments were bone-headed and crass. Some (like me) would even call them racially insensitive. What did she think was going to happen? Did she assume that black people don’t watch the Golf Channel? Which of course would be even more racist and prejudgemental. Or did she just think that people would laugh off her off color joke/idiotic comment. Couldn't she just have said "beat him with a nine iron?" Or kidnap him? Or cut off one of his arms? Any of these would have been better. But "lynch him in a back alley?" Yikes, she might as well have said "lynch him like it's 1899."

To me, this is worse for her than it was for Fuzzy Zoeller when he commented at the 1997 Masters Tournament that they should start serving collared greens and fried chicken in the clubhouse now that Tiger was on tour. I’m sure it was in good humor and Tiger may have taken it well, but the American public is too sensitive to realize this, so it was a big no-no for Fuzzy.

So, now Tilghman is suspended for two weeks from her duties on the Golf Channel. How did we get from this being a non-issue from her being suspended to possibly being fired? You have to ask? Why, the Reverend Al Sharpton of course!

I’d also like to make a special announcement, this is huge for us here at KC Bean Boy because we’ve never interviewed anyone. I believe this is going to put us on the blogosphere map, to be quite honest. So, without further ado I’d like to introduce the one, the only, Reverend Al Sharpton.

KCBB: Thank you for speaking with us and answering some of our questions today in light of this horrible tragedy and being on hand to pass out our Shut the Fuck Up Award to Kelly Tilghman.

You’re welcome whitey, there is nothing I love more than going on national television or speaking with a honky blogger to air my grievances and giving awards to white degradatin’ fools.

KCBB: No problem Al, on behalf of the all the staff here at KC Bean Boy, you have an open invitation to come back anytime, even before you answer any questions.

Thanks again cracker, it is my right to say what I want when I want. Let me set the record straight, that white bread woman on the Golf Network is no better than Don Imus, she is no better than the Ku Klux Klan and no better than even Jefferson Davis himself! Furthermore, firing her is not enough. This morning my legal team lead by Johnny Cochran has filed a civil suit on behalf of black people everywhere.

KCBB: Wow that is going to be quite the undertaking sir. I’m just curious, you really think she is no better than the President of the Confederate States of America? Isn’t that going a little overboard? And isn’t Johnny Cochran dead?

Cochran is alive! Let me tell you and all your cracker, white-America reading followers something else. When someone insults a black person with such racially insensitive remarks as these I come with the wrath of my God down upon thee. What would happen if I said they should take Sandy Koufax into a gas chamber so the San Francisco Giants could have gotten some more hits and wins in the 60’s?

KCBB: Well, you make a very valid point there Rev. Sharpton.

That’s right I do son, and you should be taking notes, because if I catch you making even the slightest of disparaging remarks about the black community as I interpret it, I will have you fired as well.

KCBB: Now Reverend, there is no need to threaten me. The integrity of this blog is of the utmost and highest regard among it’s readers for its racial sensitivity. Let’s get back to the interview. Don’t you think you might be taking this a little too far considering that Woods has said through his agent that this is a “complete non-issue” and that Tilghman has apologized to Woods himself?

There is no way that I am taking this too far honky. It’s like when Don Imus called the Rutgers Women’s Basketball team ‘nappy headed hoes.’ He wasn’t just insulting the team, he was insulting black people all over America. He just wanted to apologize to the team, I wanted him to be fired and spend his time going from door to door in Harlem, in Watts, in Philadelphia, in Newark, in Compton and in Jena personally apologizing to every black person that lives in the United States of America. I believe she should be fired and should have to personally apologize to black people everywhere. You know she went to Duke University, right? Don’t you know that I represent black people everywhere? I am the emperor of black people!

KCBB: I’m apologize, Reverend, I was unaware of your patriarchal status among the black community. While I agree that her comments were out of line and that she should be punished, don’t you believe she should be absolved through her apology to Woods, the man she referenced in the first place?

Absolutely not! This matter is bigger than Tiger Woods! He’s not black enough anyway. Don’t you remember I said that? The punishment should fit the crime here cracker.

KCBB: One final question, doesn’t the Bible in which you preach from talk of forgiveness and learning from one’s mistakes?

You realize I’m not a real minister, right?

KCBB: I was not aware of that either. Thank you again for your time Mr. Sharpton.

Reverend!

KCBB: Oh Al! Thanks for coming on to speak with us.

Bye, honky!

There you have it, our first interview and I’m sure it will go down in history as one of the finest. Reverend Al was on hand to pass out a StFU, how awesome was that? So there you have it Kelly Tilghman, on behalf of KC Bean Boy, Reverend Sharpton and black people everywhere, Shut the Fuck Up!

Added Golf Related Bonus Picture!!