Spooge and a Live One

I'm sure if ESPN knew about my page, they might ask me to take this picture down that depicts Chicago White Sox starting pitcher Mark Buehrle getting "bathed" down. But since they don't, fuck them I'm posting it anyway. It's just a screen shot off my desktop at work because I wanted to not only include the picture, but the headline as well. I laughed myself off my chair when I saw this today. If you don't get the humor, show your dirty uncle this page and he'll be sure to explain it to you. And hopefully a few other things.

Right now as I type this the Red Sox are down 3-1 in the top of the 7^th in Toronto. Right now, I hate Canada. They’re not even a real country any-way eh. I’m starting to dislike the Blue Jays quite a bit. But I don’t want to talk about how Tavarez had issues with control again and fell apart in the 6^th. I do like the fact that he did last longer than 4 innings however, and looked much improved over the debacle that he shat out against the Rangers. I don’t like the idea of Francona announcing the fact that a starting pitcher who got bumped from his last two starts (albeit because of inclement weather) and coming off an awful season opener is going to be backed up by reliever Kyle Snyder for long relief “just in case.” Snyder was supposed to pitch longer on Monday’s 7-2 win against the Angels but didn’t because “we wanted to have him behind Tavarez, in case there is a problem.” I know Francona is a “player’s manager” and I’m not sure if it was supposed to conjure up some motivation to pitch well for JT but it obviously didn’t work.

JC Romero just got through the 7^th with only a hit and a walk, no runs thankfully. Hopefully the Sox can get the bats going in the last two innings to try and win this series, which even this early in the season I feel to be extremely important so they can re-establish themselves as the number two team (or #1) in the division. I almost suffered a stroke typing out that last sentence.

Tim Wakefield had a great night which is always cool. As the most seasoned of Red Sox players on the current roster Wakefield went for seven innings, gave up only one earned, and dropped his already low ERA to 1.35. Way to go Wake. I know I ragged on him in a previous post a little bit but come on, they guy has his own personal catcher. Word is Doug Mirabelli even does his laundry when they are on the road and Mrs. Wakefield isn’t around. Fuckin’ A.

Manny continues to struggle at the plate. Last night he went o’fer and his average dropped to .192 (now down to .184). I’m sure he’s not even aware of his less than intimidating performance so far in April, but I’m very confident he’ll come around just like he did last April. Although it kind of sucks when the guys last extra base hit came against the Royals two weeks ago. Right now he’s walking up to the plate in the 8^th with Coco Crisp on 2^nd, a home run right now or a double would be a nice way to shake the April blues. He’s usually good for some good at bats in the stadium formerly known as Skydome.

God bless America he fucking came through!!!!

Now that it’s tied and I feel a little better about the world maybe this post will turn a little more positive. How can you live and die on every game like this when they have 148 more games to play after today, you ask? I’d like to say I’m tough as nails, but really it’s caused me to gain weight and lose my hair at a rapid rate. Which may lead you to another question, how did you nab a hot girlfriend and convince her to marry you? Let’s just say my sparkling personality and knowledge of fine wines goes a long way*.

Mike Timlin has proceeded to get runners on first and third. Of course Lyle Overbay was walked on purpose so we can (hopefully) get a double play to end the inning and prevent Vernon Wells from scoring.

Thanks are in order for Aaron Hill because he grounded out into that double play I am currently sacrificing a bucket of the colonel’s extra tasty crispy for. I think I could eat just the fried batter they make this stuff out of and completely eliminate the chicken**.

This entry has massively derailed from a joke about DNA on Mark Buehrle’s mug to a live blog from today’s game, I’m going to cut it short before this thing goes into extra innings or something and I wind up with a mile long blog.

Ok, so I lied. Alex Cora hit a triple to center and Julio Lugo scored and then Crisp sacrificed to center and bam, it is a 5-3 Sox lead going into the bottom of the 9^th. You know now that they will no doubt bring in Jonathan Papelbon and will most likely win.

So far so good, Papelbon has only walked Greg Zaun to start off the inning. He struck out the next two batters and is currently facing Alex Rios who is 2 for 3 on the day with a solo home run in the 6^th. Zaun made it to second on a called fielder’s indifference. There’s something you won’t see everyday. Ah finally, after about 735 foul balls, Rios finally flew out to right.

There you have it folks. An expert (eh) account of what happened today in the 5-3 Boston Red Sox victory over the Toronto Blue Jays. Now that the Sox won the series two games to three I can get back to work now.

*I don’t know shit about wine, other than its fine trickery affect on the lady folk.
**I’m not really eating any KFC right now, although it does sound tempting.